VT SW: The Empire Strikes One
by Ek01
Summary: VT SW: The Empire Strikes Out
1. Below-Zero Brawl!

"...A long time ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away..."

———————

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.

Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Cuke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.

The evil lord Darth Verdura, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space...

———————

It was very cold and very dark as the sun set over the unbearably icy planet of Hoth. The wind blew outside like it was tinted with razor blades. Lots of icicles hung from the ceiling like chandeliers from within an icy cave, with a bed of snow at the bottom. At the very top of the cave--next to other vegetables like in a refrigerator, hung Cuke Skywalker; hero of the Yavin IV battle.

His non-existent legs were frozen solid by the ice, and jacket did not warn him in this freezing cold, and his normally dark green skin was lighter from the cold. Cuke opened his frost-bitten eyes and looked down, only to be greeted by a vicious Wampa!!

Cuke looked down. Somewhat covered in snow, was his lightsaber! He simply needed to use the Lite Vinaigrette and grab it. But he had to act quick, because the Wampa looked exceptionally hungry...

Reaching a non-existent hand towards his lightsaber, Cuke was busy concentrating. Slowly, little by little, the Jedi weapon levitated towards his body...then a stalactite fell on the ground and shattered, causing the Wampa to turn around and growl at Cuke.

"Hehe..." He awkwardly chuckled. "LOOK!! IT'S MADONNA!!"

The Wampa turned to the right, and screamed in pain. Its right arm was cut out of its socket, and Cuke

was free from his icy prison, on the ground.

"Well, I'd love to stay for dinner, but--"

Cuke had left, riding a small toboggan. The angry Wampa stormed after him, bloody appendage painting the snow red.

"YYYYYYYaaaaAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Screamed Cuke as he slid away from the beast.

Eventually, the Wampa died of frostbite, and Cuke was home free!

For the first nine-thousand miles,

that is.


	2. Leia is one Hot(h) Gal

Meanwhile, back on the Hoth Base,

everyone was just going about their day.

Except for Bob and Leia, however.

They were in somewhere private, and Bob was saying a few sweet nothings to a reluctant Leia.

"_Love I get so _

_lost, sometimes_

_Days pass and this emptiness _

_fills my heart_

_When I want to _

_run away_

_I drive off in my _

_car_

_But whichever _

_way I go_

_I come back to the _

_place you _

_are_..."

"Oh Leia, my sweet..." Sighed Bob. "You could use a good kiss." Bob leaned in and gave Leia a great big smooch on her gorgeous lips. He kissed and kissed, holding Leia down if she tried to escape.

"_All my _

_instincts, they _

_return_

_And the grand _

_facade, so soon _

_will burn_

_Without a noise, _

_without my pride_

_I reach out from _

_the inside..."_

"YOU COULD USE

A MINT!!" Leia screamed after the kiss.

As Bob's "little woman" continued to spit at the floor, Bob received a distress signal on his comlink. It appeared that Cuke Skywalker was in the more wasteland part of

Hoth, and was dying of frostbite!

"Sorry, 'Honey.'." Said Bob. "Gotta go to work."

"What do you mean?!" Asked Leia.

"Cuke's in trouble, he's dying out in the cold--I'd hate to leave such a gorgeous face alone, but duty calls!"

"I'd hate to leave such a gooooooorgeous face alone..." Said Leia in a mocking tone.

She rolled her eyes. Bob was about to exit the door, when he stopped.

"_In your eyes,_

_The light the heat,_

_In your eyes_

_I am complete,_

_In your eyes..."_

"One more thing...Are you a galaxy?" Said Bob.

"What?" Replied Leia.

"Cause you've got a heavenly body.."

Leia smacked Bob. Bob started rubbing his face. "WOW!!" He quietly exclaimed. "What a woman!!"

\--

"HYAH!!" Bob kicked his TaunTaun in the shin, and it zoomed off across the barren, freezing cold planet. Every now and then he watched his GPS in order to find the tracking device on Cuke's suit.

\--

\--

Later, he had ridden for hours and hours on his TaunTaun and yet there was still no sign of Cuke!

"Great..." Said Bob. "He's probably dead in all this cold."

Just then, Bob's TaunTaun screamed and shook a lot.

"Whoa! Whoa!! What is it, girl?" He said, trying to calm his TaunTaun down. Then he saw why it was having a panic attack.

Cuke had passed out in all the snow. He lay there, completely motionless, little beads of ice

forming on his face and skin. Bob's TaunTaun fainted at the very sight of Cuke's limp body. Bob had an idea, he quickly grabbed Cuke's lightsaber, and SLLLICED that TaunTaun open!! A warm wave of blood, guts and intestines splattered everywhere, even on Bob's face.

"OH MAN!!" Exclaimed Bob, getting a whiff of the disgusting guts. "AND I THOUGHT THEY SMELLED BAD ON THE OUTSIDE!!!"

Bob grabbed Cuke (despite he was heavier than he looked!) and

opened up the TaunTaun skin, placing Cuke inside with a disgusting 'SPLITH!'. Bob lay on top of Cuke, smothering him in a slush of sticky, unsanitary TaunTaun bodily warmth. From within the pile of intestines, Cuke looked up to the sky and thought he heard someone calling him.

"Cuke..." It said.

A pure white snowflake-filled wind came and materialized into something small and round. It began to take shape more and more until it took the form of Obi-Wan!

"...is this the frozen wasteland

form of a mirage?" Thought Cuke.

"Cuke, my dear boy." Said Obi-Wan. "You must continue your Jedi

training..."

"...hOw?" Asked Cuke, very delirious.

"You must go to Dagobah and find the old Jedi master, Yoga." Said Obi-Wan. "He was once my

master's master, and now he will be

yours."

Obi-Wan disappeared in a flurry of snow. Cuke blinked. W as he delirious or did he actually have an

encounter with his long-gone friend?

"Yoga..." Sighed Cuke.

Then everything went black.

\--

\--

"beep...beep...beep.."* went a heart rate machine.

All Cuke could see was nothing but green around him with little swirls of light. He had been placed in the Hoth Base's hospital.

"OH CUKEY-BOY!!!" Bob called from the hospital corridor. He squeezed through the door with Leia, and a bunch of 'Get-Well-Soon' presents. ("What the heck's all this junk?" Bob thought at the sight of the hospital supplies and wires.) He looked around at

all the hospital equipment.

"Where'd they put hi--uAAAAAH!!!"

Bob screamed. The medical droids had placed Cuke inside a large tank of some kinda fluid. He looked at

Cuke some more, then he laughed as Cuke opened his eyes.

"blAaahblh!" Said Cuke.

("Bob!")

"Hey there ol' buddy ol' pal ol' friend of mine!! (He picked up a few dozen of Cukes' presents (mostly stuffed animals) Oh, these are all yours. I just hope you'll be better soon--I know I've been a bit of a jerk, but I like you! We all really do!" He leaned down. "...but you can reeeeally be a naïve little hick sometimes!" He whispered under his breath.

"Ahem." Leia nudged Bob.

"Oh yeah!!" He exclaimed. Bob wrapped a non-existent arm around Leia. "Guess what: Leia and I have a little thing goin' on, isn't that great?!"

"...no we don't.." Said Leia, gritting her teeth.

"A-hah...what was that, dear?" Said Bob, clearly trying to rush their relationship. He leaned in and kissed Leia yet again.

Leia's eyebrows knitted, her non-existent fists clenched, and she pushed Bob away from her.

"I HATE YOU!!!" She exclaimed.

"HOW DARE YOU KISS ME SO INAPPROPRIATELY, YOU STUCK-UP, HALF-WITTED, SCRUFFY-LOOKING NERF HERDER!!!"

"WHO'S SCRUFFY-LOOKIN'?!!" Yelled Bob. He looked back at Cuke.

"Don't mind Bunhead, she's a

little crabby from earlier."

Cuke then shook his head, as he remembered something. He swam to the top of his container and opened the air hatch.

"BOB!!" He said.

"What?" Replied Bob.

"I gotta get out of here ASAP and get to Dagobah!!"

"Wh--Dagobah?!! ARE YOU OFF YOUR ROCKER, KID?! YOU'RE STILL RECOVERING!!"

"Nope!" Said Cuke. "The ghost of Obi-Wan appeared to me in the form of snowflakes and told me I had to go there."

"...right..." Said Bob. "The doctor

said to stay in the tube for a month, so I wouldn't check out if I were you."

"TOO LATE!!" Cuke jumped out of the fluid and started running towards the dock. He ran, but strangely he felt very cold and

like he wasn't getting anywhere.

"CUKE!!!" Yelled Bob.

"CUUUUKKE!!!! Buddy! You gotta obey the Doctor's orders! You need to heal and recover...and...one more thing."

"What?" Asked Cuke.

Bob looked down.

"Your decency."

Cuke was completely naked.

He covered his body with his non-existent hands in embarrassment. Bob wrapped a blanket around him, and carried him back to the Hospital.

"Shoot." Said Cuke. "Alright, alright, I'm goin' back in." He closed the lid and continued to float in the liquid.

He had an idea: when everyone was asleep, he would sneak off the Base!

Bob was about to walk away, when Cuke blew a raspberry at him. He turned, but Cuke quickly closed his eyes.


	3. Visions of Dating Past

Meanwhile, back on the Hoth Base, Leia still felt incredibly angry about what had happened earlier.

"Darn that stupid idiot." She said. "He so much as sees a pretty face and he straight-up wants to marry you. Thank the Maker I convinced him to go on a few dates..." Leia started to remenisce a few times Bob and her went out.

"_This thing,_

_called love,_

_I just,_

_can't handle it,_

_This thing,_

_called love,_

_I must,_

_get round to it_

_I ain't ready_

_Crazy little thing_

_called love.._."

The first thing Leia recalled was that time at the local Aquarium. The staff was offering a swim-with-fish activity and Bob and Leia decided to try it. Leia was a bit scared at first, but Bob assured her it would be okay. The two dived into the water and looked around at all the amazing coral reefs and fish. Suddenly, Bob was directly in front of her. His helmet banged against her's, and she gave him her famed 'what are you doing?' look. The couple looked down and saw that an octopus had grabbed the two and was repeatedly smacking their helmets together, making it look like they were kissing. Leia raised an eyebrow at Bob, who had an oddly relaxed look on his face.

"I guess he ships us." Said Bob.

"_This thing (this_

_thing)_

_Called love (called_

_love)_

_It cries (Like a_

_baby),_

_In a cradle all_

_night_

_It swings (Woo_

_Woo),_

_It jives (Woo_

_Woo),_

_It shakes all over_

_like a jellyfish,_

_I kinda like it,_

_Crazy little thing_

_called love..._"

The next thing Leia reminisced was that time she and Bob rented a longboat at a national park on

Naboo and sailed across the lake.

Leia was fishing, while Bob leaned back and enjoyed the beauty of the

area, being surrounded by nothing but water and all. Bob was looking at some minnows when a pesky mosquito started bugging him. He

tried swatting it, using bug spray,

even a flyswatter, but the mosquito

was still there. Bob picked up his fishing pole, raised it over his head, and whacked it like a baseball bat.

When he whacked it, however, he

tipped the whole boat over! Bob and Leia swam to the top of the lake, taking in air and treading water.

"Really?" Said Leia.

Then, a large bass jumped out of the lake and landed in Bob's non-existent arms.

"Well, I caught a

fish." Said Bob.

"_There goes my_

_baby_

_She knows how to_

_Rock n' roll_

_She drives me_

_crazy_

_She gives me hot_

_and cold fever_

_Then she leaves_

_me in a cool cool_

_sweat_

_I gotta be cool_

_relax, get hip_

_Get on my track's_

_Take a back seat,_

_hitch-hike_

_And take a long_

_ride on my motor_

_bike_

_Until I'm ready_

_Crazy little thing_

_called love..."_

The next thing Leia reminisced was the day Bob and her first went on a date. Bob had chosen an Italian restaurant, and so far, it was going great! They had finished eating and talked a while, until Bob and Leia just so happened to have been eating the same piece of spaghetti.

They opened their eyes, to find that their lips were locked in an awkward kiss! The date was later cut short, as Leia spent too much time in the ladies bathroom, washing her mouth with soap. Bob however thought the whole moment was "cute, just like that Disney movie with the dogs."

"_I gotta be cool_

_relax, get hip_

_Get on my track's_

_Take a back seat,_

_hitch-hike_

_And take a long_

_ride on my motor_

_bike_

_Until I'm ready_

_(Ready Freddie)_

_Crazy little thing_

_called lov_e"

Lastly, one of the dates that Leia reminisced was the local pizza place/arcade on Coruscant. Being since it was Coruscant, not only was there an arcade, but a super

expensive bungee-jumping/laser tag/paintball area as well. Leia wanted to try the bungee jumping, but Bob suggested paintball.

Bob and Leia, along with others on their team were cornered by the opposing team's members.

"I have a plan." Said Leia. "I'll take em' out, you distract em'."

"LEIA!!" Called Bob. "Wait!!"

Leia ran from behind where she, Bob and the others were hiding. She cocked her gun and fired four at the guys on the other team, on one, she shot from the back.

"HAHAAA!!" Said someone on the other team. "You missed!!"

"Did I?" Said Leia.

The paintballs ricocheted off a few lights, and one smacked Bob all over his face, while the others smacked the guy on the other team. Bob walked over to Leia, looking kinda mad, and he shot his gun at her, she shot her gun at him, rendering them both "dead". Then, Bob stopped looking angry and gave a wide smile.

"LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!!" He said.

"_This thing,_

_called love,_

_I just can't handle_

_it_

_This thing,_

_called love,_

_I must,_

_get round to it_

_I ain't ready_

_Crazy little thing_

_called love_!"

Well, now that she'd taken it into consideration, that paintball thing was actually kinda fun for her. And even though it was embarrassing, that spaghetti kiss was an iconic moment for their relationship.

Not to mention that fish tasted pretty good after being grilled, and the octopus was just playing with them.

"Maybe he isn't such a Nerf-herder after all." Thought Leia.

While she reconsidered her relationship, Cuke came out from the Hospital Ward, wearing his Rebel pilot uniform. He ran into the area where all the droids were being held.

"R2!" He called. "Come on, buddy."

R2-Pea2 turned on and approached Cuke. He gave a few questionable bleeps.

"Look, we're just going to Dagobah because it's the order of Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"(*beep-meep-bleep.*)"

"Yeah, I know he's dead--it's a long story, he was a ghost, and, he told

me to go there."

"(*beep-bleep eeee.*)"

"Don't worry. We'll be back before you know it."

R2-Pea2 reluctantly rolled out of the droid room, and followed Cuke to his X-wing. Cuke opened the door, heaved heavy little R2 into his cockpit, climbed inside, and started up his X-wing. He zoomed out of the base and into the frozen atmosphere of Hoth.

Unfortunately for him, he was not the only one out there, as an Imperial probe droid that was programmed to hunt him down saw him. The droid instantly started taping Cuke's escape, then flew all the way back to the Imperial Star Destroyer. It flew all the way to DARTH VERDURA, still recovering from the blasts of the previous Death Star. He was now constructing the Death Star II, (or, "JUNIOR" as most people called it) determined to kill Cuke.

"Excellent." Said Lord Verdura as he stared out at the still-under-construction Death Star II.


	4. Escape From Hoth!

"He WHAT?!" Exclaimed the Hoth base's Doctor the next day.

"Yeah..." Said Leia. "But he said the ghost of some dead Jedi dude told him to go to Dagobah and train for somethin'."

"Oi..." Said the doctor. "I never liked those Jedi. Always runnin' off and going on some crazy adventure, yet sometimes they don't get killed and sometimes they do."

"SIR!!" Yelled some rebellion soldier who'd just arrived.

"WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!"

"What?" Said the doctor.

"The Empire! They somehow found our base!!"

"Oh no." Said Bob. "We gotta get outta here!"

"Why must we go so quickly?" Asked Archie-p0.

(*"BOOM!BOOM! BOOOM!!

CRRRAK!!*")

At that very moment, an enormous AT-AT broke through the roof of the Rebel Base and stared down at our heroes.

"Fire one." Came a voice from within the AT-AT.

Just as the AT-AT was about to fire, Archie-p0 had an idea. He grabbed a piece of the metal ceiling and aimed it at the AT-AT. The AT-AT fired and the laser ricocheted off

the metal, going back towards the

AT-AT and blowing itself up.

"Maybe you're not so bad after all."

Said Bob. "Nice work, professor."

"Thank you." Said Archie-p0.

Bob, Chewie, Leia and Arch all ran to the Falcon's dock.

"Get in!" Said Bob. "I know a guy who could help us."

"Who?" Asked Leia.

"Lando Calrissian." said Bob. "He's an old pal of mine."

Meanwhile, outdoors there was a huge battle taking place. So far, the Rebels were winning against the Empire. This is mostly because they found out ways to trip the Imperial AT-ATs and blow them up afterwards. Amidst all the commotion, the Millennium Falcon escaped.

"Who's Lando?" Asked Leia.

"He's a scoundrel, and a cheat." Said Bob. "You'd like him."

He turned the key and started up the Falcon. The Falcon flew higher and higher, until our heroes were in space. R2 and Arch were playing space checkers, while Chewlotsa leaned back in the co-pilot's chair and took a nap.

"So, where is this Lando person?" Asked Leia.

"He's in some place called Cloud City." Said Bob.

"Where's that?" Asked Leia.

"It's in Bespin." Said Bob. "You ask too many questions, Bunhead."


	5. Giant Space Worm Love

The Millenium Falcon went past lots of things on the way to Cloud City; black holes, nebulas, constellations, even different and oddly-shaped planets. Eventually, Bob became

somewhat tired, and there wasn't

really a planet in sight where he could take a break from flying.

"Well, maybe we could stop in this cave." Said Leia.

The cave where Leia had in mind was extremely wide. On the exterior were teeth-like stalactites, the interior was incredibly dark. The Falcon's headlight function initiated, and the crew of protagonists could now see various crystalized rocks growing around it.

"Hold on. I wanna see this for myself." Said Leia.

"L-Leia?!" Called Bob. "Maybe we should stay inside, the oxygen levels might be kinda off..."

Leia didn't listen. She went outside,

and breathed.

"Say Bob!" She called. "We can breathe on this planet!"

"Oh." Said Bob. "Why's the ground

so moist?"

"Dunno." Said Leia. "It's a cave."

The two looked around some more. Both walked around in two separate tunnels, when they came out, they accidentally ran into each other.

"WHY'D YOU DO

THAT?!!" Exclaimed Bob.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!!" Said Leia. "IT WAS YOU!!"

Both of them stopped arguing. Leia inched closer to Bob, and he inched closer to her.

"Sorry." Said Leia.

"No, I'm sorry." Said Bob. "I'm especially sorry about those dates..."

"It's okay, Bob." Said Leia. "They

were kinda fun actually."

"Really?" Asked Bob.

"Yeah." Said Leia.

"Leia," said Bob. "When Cuke and I first met you, I thought you wouldn't like us or anything, that you'd be--"

"A self-centered drama queen?" Replied Leia. "Yeah, and all this

time I thought you were--"

"Dashingly handsome?" Asked Bob. "A real hero?"

"WHAT?!!" Exclaimed Leia. "I WOULD N--"

"Shh..." Said Bob.

"Sorry..." Said Leia.

"All my

instincts, they

return

And the grand

facade, so soon

will burn

Without a noise,

without my pride

I reach out from

the inside..."

"Bob?" Said Leia.

"Yeah?" Said Bob, embracing her in

non-existent arms.

Leia looked up at Bob, Bob looked down at Leia. The light from the Falcon illuminated the cave in a purple-y glow. Leia's skin and eyes were also lit up, making her look even more attractive to Bob. Bob's facial features were lit as well, appearing like a handsome male

angel to Leia. Both fruit and berry leaned in, and kissed, passionately.

"In your eyes,

The light the heat,

In your eyes

I am complete,

In your eyes..."

"I can't stand you..." Said Leia in a dreamy tone.

"Neither can I." Said Bob, with the same in-love tone as Leia.

Meanwhile, Archie-p0 and Chewie were watching from inside the Falcon.

"Ah, humans in love..." Said Archie-p0 to Chewie. "I find that so romantic, don't you?"

"Gawwwrrgg..." Said Chewie.

Suddenly, something clear, wet and rather gooey landed right on the windshield of the Millenium Falcon.

"...cave water." Said Arch. He pressed the windshield wipers and started to remove it.

Problem was, it didn't seem to be coming off! In fact, it just kept spreading!

"Oh my." Said Archie-p0. "We have to get out of here."

Archie-p0 leaned out a window of the Falcon.

"HEY!!" He called. "YOU LOVEBIRDS NEED TO GET INSIDE, NOW!!"

Bob and Leia broke their kiss and they stared at Arch.

"What?" Said Leia. "Is zhere some kinda cult of talking, intelligent mice in zhis cave?"

"NO!!" Said Arch. "IN FACT THIS ISN'T EVEN A CAVE!!"

Arch was right. The cave was not a cave, it was, in fact a..

"GIANT SPACE WORM?!!"

"You mean to zay we KISSED within zomething?!!" Exclaimed Leia. "ZHAT IS ZHE GROSSEST ZING I

EVER 'EARD!!!"

"No time to explain." Said Arch. "Now hurry up and GET INSIDE IMMEDIATELY!!!"

Bob and Leia quickly ran inside the Falcon and locked the door.

The three looked outside, no noises were heard except for a high-pitched squeal.

"I got a bad feeling

about this." Said

Leia.

"LOOK!!" Said Bob.A large Mynock was coming right at them!

"AAAAAAAAAOHNOWE'REGONNADIE-HI-HIYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! a-wha?" Archie-p0 screamed and closed his eyes.

"Uh, professor?" Said Bob.

Arch opened his eyes. The Mynock simply hit the glass and was now licking it.

"Oh." Said Arch. "We're safe in here..."

He leaned back on the dashboard, accidentally starting the horn with a loud

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

More Mynocks opened their eyes and emerged from their hiding spots. They started to smash their heads against the window, cracking it slightly.

"Well.." Said Bob. "That pane's gonna cost me a bit...LET'S GET

OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Bob and Chewie started the Falcon. Leia and Arch both grabbed the ship's guns and started shooting at the Mynocks. One Mynock happened to get inside the ship. When Bob saw it, he gave a girly shriek and started whacking it with a 2x4.

"PUT IT IN REVERSE, CHEWIE!!" Exclaimed Bob.

Chewie abruptly did so. The Falcon quickly backed up until it was out of the worm's mouth, and Bob hit the

hyperdrive foreword.

"...darn..." Said the

space worm. "My

lunch."

Pretty soon the Falcon was far

away from the space worm, and in

deep space. Everyone was very

relieved to be away from that incident, until Leia stared out at the front window, a paranoid look on her face.

"Click it or ticket." Said Leia.

"Why?" Asked Bob.

"Oh, sorry, we're about to run into some ASTEROIDS!!!" Exclaimed Leia.

She was right. Thousands and thousands of planet-sized asteroids lined the area, some bigger than the rest.

"Hold onto your butts." Said Bob. We're goin' in!" Bob cracked his non-existent knuckles, shifted the Falcon into gear, and sped that thing up to the highest speed.

"It's not in the

way that you hold

me,

It's not in the way

you say you care,

It's not in the way

you've been

treating my

friends,

It's not in the way

that you stayed till

the end...

It's not in the way

you look or the

things that you

say that you'll do,"

Archie-p0 gripped Chewie and Leia as the ship spun around, ducked,

and swerved right and left. As Bob

drove the Falcon and whooped, he was unaware of the blob of Mynock saliva from the "cave" hanging

over his peripheral vicinity.

"Hold the line,

love isn't always

on time,

oh oh oh

Hold the line,

love isn't always

on time,

oh oh o--"

"GAAAAAAAA!!!" Exclaimed Bob. "Mayday! Mayday! I'm blind!!"

The blob of saliva had completely covered his face, and Bob was struggling to see straight.

"Sir?" Asked Archie-p0.

"WHAT?!!" Said Bob, his eyes partially focused on the asteroids.

"I would just like you to know that the chances of us surviving this asteroid field are approximately three-thousand seven hundred and twenty to one!!" Said Arch.

"NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS!!" Yelled Bob. "JUST HELP ME GET THOUGH THIS SO I CAN GET THIS STUFF OFF!!"

"Oh, uh...okay! Okay!" Said Arch. "RIGHT!!"

Bob moved the Falcon to the right,

dodging a large asteroid.

"NOW LEFT!!"

The Falcon then dodged an asteroid to the left.

"NOW PARALLEL AND LOOP-DE-

LOOP!"

Bob did so, missing the asteroids by a few inches. The Falcon, upon making it out of the asteroid belt had sustained only a scratch.

"Here, Bob." Said Archie-p0, pulling out a large box of disinfectant wipes and removing the slimy saliva from Bob's face.

"Oh..." Bob sighed, relishing in the fact he could see again. "Thank you...Goldy..."

"You are quite welcome." Said

Arch.

"WE DID IT!!" Exclaimed Leia.

Leia and Bob whooped. Just then, Chewie gave a loud growl and ran into the bathroom of the Falcon, retching.

"What's he saying?" Asked Bob. "Chewlotsa says he's going to be--"

At that moment, Bob and Leia saw something greenish-yellow brown and crystalized float across space.

did a bit of a double-take.

"...sick." Finished Arch.

"Disgusting!" Said Bob. "Let's go..."


	6. Enter Lando

After a few hours, the gang had finally arrived at Bespin.

"Here." Said Bob.

The Falcon had stopped in front of dark-grayish blue clouds. Leia, Chewie, and Arch did a bit of a double-take.

"This is it?" Asked Leia. "Looks kinda dismal."

"Wait for it..." Said

Bob.

The Falcon flew more into the clouds. The clouds rolled back to

reveal a large, bustling city, suspended in the air and surrounded by other clouds. It was absolutely gorgeous in the pinkish-orange-yellow setting sun. Chewie pulled out the landing gear for the Falcon, and Bob slowly landed it next to some other ships in a parking lot. The door to the Falcon opened. Bob, Arch, Leia and Chewie were greeted by a potato wearing a purple cape, blue shirt and black pants. He also had an Afro and mustache, and appeared to be rather upset with Bob.

"...oh, it's you...You got some nerve coming back here after what you did, Solo..." Said the potato.

"Like heck I do,

Calrissian.." Said

Bob.

"One thing I gotta say before I report you to the authorities..."

The potato inhaled. His expression

changed from angry to happy.

"BOB SOLO, HOW YOU DOIN' MAH

MAN?!!"

"HEY LANDO!!" Said Bob.

The two embraced and did a non-existent 'handshake'. Bob and Lando turned back to Leia, Chewie and Arch. "Aaaand who are these gentlemen and this--reow! reow!--lovely lady?"

"This is Archie-p0, he's a droid," Bob introduced, "This is Chewlotsa ,"

"Ooh! a Wookiee!"

"And this gorgeous dame you see in front of you is Leia. Princess, Leia."

"Hmmm!" Said Lando, taking Leia's non-existent hand. "Enchanté, mademoiselle..."

"Hi." Said Leia.

"Great to meet you, babe...Anywho!" Said Lando. "You're all here--Lemme show ya around the place! Say, do y'all like 'Soul Train'?" Asked Lando as the gang walked closer to the bridge.

"Graaa!" Said Chewie.

"Oh yes mister Calrissian." Said

Arch.

The gang walked with Lando across the bridge and into Cloud City. Lando quickly opened up a watch with the symbol for the Empire.

"I have them, sir." He spoke into the watch. "I repeat, I have them."

Lando quickly put his watch back into his cape and continued to lead them.

"Sorry folks!" He said. "Had to tie my shoe!"

Leia, missing Cuke a little, looked up at the sky and sighed.

"Cuke," said Leia. "I hope you're okay, wherever you are.."


	7. Yo’da Man, Yoga!

Birds chirped and the wind rustled the leaves of the swamped trees on the planet Dagobah. A small fly buzzed near a bunch of cattails and other weeds. A frog jumped out of the water onto a lily pad and ate the fly. Then a carnivorous fish jumped out of the water and ate the frog, followed by a space hawk, which ate the fish. But the hawk was

soon run over by an X-wing. Cuke's

X-wing to be exact. R2-Pea2 ejected himself from his cockpit and flew into the swampy water with a loud "*EEEEEEYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!*"

"R2, buddy!" Said Cuke as he climbed out of his X-wing. "This is no time for swimming!"

He grabbed a thick vine, R2's hand wrapped around it, and Cuke pulled him out. Cuke then grabbed a towel

and dried his droid friend off.

"Gettin' kinda dark...wouldn't you

say?" Asked Cuke, looking up at the setting sun.

R2 agreed. He and Cuke began to pull Cuke's things out of his X-wing and set up camp. When their little campsite was all set up, Cuke started charging R2's battery and leaned back against a log. He looked inside a bag and pulled out

a candy bar. Just as he was about to bite into the chocolate-y deliciousness...

All Cuke bit into was air.

The sounds of the jungle made for an eerie atmosphere. Cuke felt kinda scared now, and so did R2.

"I dunno about you, bud..." Said Cuke. "This place gives me the heebie-jeebies..." R2 agreed.

"I feel sorta like...like..." Cuke turned around, holding his blaster.

"...LIKE WE'RE BEING WATCHED!!"

There was a small, green pea with enormously large ears, wearing a

robe behind him. He covered himself with his ears, and held the candy bar in a non-existent

hand.

"Shoot do not! Away put your weapon, no harm, I bring!"

"Really now?!" Said Cuke. "How do I know you're not out to get me with you talkin' backwards and all?"

"A bad guy, I am not!" Said the

stranger.

"You sure?" Said Cuke.

"Yes!" Said the stranger. "Hoo-hoo. Here, why are you, son?"

"We're just here to find someone." Said Cuke.

"Aha..." Said the stranger. "But

trying to find whom, you are? Know your mountain, you must."

"Know my what?" Asked Cuke.

"Your mountain." Said the stranger. "Metaphor that is a, for knowing where you must go, and--uh, bye!"

The stranger took a bite of Cuke's candy bar and ran off.

"HEY!!" Said Cuke. "THAT'S MINE!!" Cuke chased the strange green man, (R2 in tow) over lakes, trees, assorted foliage, until he climbed up an incredibly tall tree. He aimed his blaster at the stranger.

"GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW WITH MY CANDY YA LITTLE...YA LITTLE THIEF!!"

"A thief I am not!" The stranger exclaimed. "If want zhis, you do, "get it, come aaaaannnd!"

Cuke sighed, then looked at how high the tree was. He tossed a rope onto one of the branches, tugged on it to see if the branch was stable, and climbed the tree as The stranger was taking yet another bite.

"Come on!" said Cuke, panting. "I was gonna eat that!"

"Really?" Said The stranger, studying the candy bar. "How you get so big eating food of this kind? Eat it all the time, do you?"

"No." Said Cuke.

"Good." Said The stranger. "Unhealthy that would be for you."

The stranger jumped on the branch, adding extra weight to it. The branch started cracking, then it broke. Cuke gave a girly scream as he plummeted off the tree, and into a lush bunch of hedges and bushes.

"Ohh..." He said, rubbing his forehead and removing branches from his hair. "Hey!" Called Cuke. "Hey little buddy?! Where'd you go?"

R2 ran by him, screaming and

motioning Cuke to follow him. Cuke

ran after R2, and gasped. The stranger had found Cuke's campsite and was now rummaging through his things!

"HOO-HOO!!" Exclaimed the stranger as he zoomed through Cuke's personal items. "Zhis, what is?" He examined a record player, then placed the needle on.

"_You ain't_

_nothin' but a_

_hound dog..."_

Cuke quickly removed the needle. "Please stop!" He exclaimed.

"YEEAAAAA-HOO-HOO!!!" The stranger tossed out a lawn flamingo, underpants, a roll of toilet paper, some of Cuke's clothes, a teddy bear, a certain plunger-headed helmet, a copy of the bible, et al. "GET BACK HERE OR I SWEAR I--"

Cuke hopped right on a leaf rake, which stunned him. He landed on a golf tee, and lay there for a few seconds. The stranger showed up in full Scottish golf attire. He looked around, studying the angles and

trajectory.

"Nononononononono..." Thought

Cuke.

"FOOOOOOOOOORRRRRE!!!!"

"wwwwoooAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!" The stranger swung the golf club, sending Cuke a few hundred miles across Dagobah, where he landed head-first into a small hole.

The stranger ran to the hole, and placed a branch with a small, flag-

like leaf at one end.

"Hole in one, I got a!"

"HEY BUD!!" Cuke strained and strained, until he could get his head

out of the hole. "...whew...IM' NOT

LOOKIN' FOR A FRIEND RIGHT NOW, I JUST GOTTA FIND THIS 'YOGA' GUY!!"

The stranger zoomed closer to Cuke, scaring him a little.

"Hmmm...If Yoga you seek, ask me in ze first place, why didn't you?!" Said the stranger. "Follow me! This way, Yoga is just!"

Cuke and R2 looked at eachother, then reluctantly followed Yoga back to his home. While they followed him, a loud "S K K K K K R R R E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E!!!!" noise like sharp fingernails on a chalkboard could be heard in the distance. It was Cuke's X-wing slowly sinking into the swamp! Cuke chuckled awkwardly. R2 gave a few scolding bleeps.

"I'll get it later." Said Cuke.

After walking half a mile, Cuke, R2 and the stranger had arrived at a small hut. It was small and rather rustic and plants were growing inside it, but it was home. The stranger opened the door.

"Su casa es Mi casa!" Piped The stranger.

"Well...--ow!" Cuke bumped his head against the ceiling. "It's very...homey...and...small."

"Yes! Yes.." Said Yoga. "Homey and small, I like." Yoga ran over to a small fire where he had a large pot of soup cooking. He pulled it out, placed it on the table, and grabbed a ladle and began to pour two bowls.

The soup that Yoga made was...er, interesting, to say the least. It resembled the water of the swamp where Cuke's X-wing was now submerged in, and had rather unappetizing vegetables floating at the top.

"Um.." Said Cuke. "Thanks, but--"

"--TASTE IT!" Exclaimed Yoga, grabbing Cuke's spoon and placing

it in his mouth.

Cuke moved the soup around in his mouth.

"...oh man...This is really good!!"

Exclaimed Cuke.

He downed his bowl and started on another. Cuke grabbed a fabric napkin and wiped his mouth before having some more.

"A book by its cover, do not judge." Said the stranger.

"What?" Asked Cuke, mouth smothered in the soup.

"The soup you ate...disgusting it seems at first, but once you try it, great, it is."

"Oh." Said Cuke. He suddenly got a strange feeling that this guy wasn't all he seemed. "What are you implying?"

"Yoga, you seek, right?" Said the stranger.

"Yeah?" Said Cuke.

"Yoga, I am..." said the stranger.

Cuke gasped.

"Scared, are you?" Said Yoga.

"I'm not scared." Said Cuke.

Yoga looked up from his soup and stood on the table, looking at him, much like how Cuke's Uncle Owen used to do. He looked at Cuke with one, outstretched, veiny eye.

"Oh, you will be..." Said Yoga.

Cuke stared at Yoga, rather weirded out by his comment.

"...you will be."

"_A-What you_

_gonna do?_

_You wanna get_

_down?_

_Tell me, what you_

_gonna do?_

_Do you wanna get_

_down?_

_What you gonna_

_do?_

_You wanna get_

_down?_

_What you gonna_

_do?_

_You wanna get_

_down?_

_Tell me,"_

Cuke had Yoga in a satchel on his back. He ran through Dagobah,

panting, yet he loved the feel, even

though Yoga was kinda heavy.

"Yes! Yesss!!" Yelled Yoga. "Run!

Run!! The adrenaline, feel the Lite Vinaigrette is giving you right now..."

"Oh, I'm feelin' the burn, baby!!" Exclaimed Cuke. He whooped as he

continued to run through Dagobah.

"_Get down on_

_it,_

_get down on it_

_Get down on it,_

_get down on it,_

_come on and,_

_Get down on it,_

_get down on it,_

_Get down on it,_

_get down on_

_it..."_

_Up the stairs of an ancient Dagobah temple Cuke ran, up and down, up and down. That evening he was incredibly tired, with his sweat staining his clothes like he swam in a pool. A single rock lay on the way of Cuke's footing--he stepped on it, and fell all 9,000 flights of stairs back down. Yoga_

_approached him._

_"Enough for the day, that's." He said._

_"How you_

_gonna do it if you_

_really don't want_

_to dance,_

_By standing on_

_the wall?_

_(Get your back up_

_off the wall) tell_

_me..._

_How you gonna_

_do it if you really_

_don't wanna_

_dance,_

_By standing on_

_the wall, get your_

_back up off the_

_wall!"_

_(--ENTER THE LITE VINAIGRETTE--)_

"HAAIIII-YAH!!" Cuke, wearing a karate gi cracked a few dozen wooden boards. He then karate-chopped a few dummies used for practice, and even did a few kicks and other crane-style karate.

Yoga bowed in respect for the cucumber's endeavor and strength to become a Jedi.

"Wǒ de érzi, lùshàng shènglì jiāng shì wéixiǎn de..." Said Yoga.

"...Wěidà de shìqíng wǒ yǒu lán shízì..." Replied Cuke.

"Now..." Said Yoga, pulling out two bo staffs. "How much you have learned, let us see."

Cuke picked up his staff and waved it around with a loud, comical "uuWWWWAAAA A-YA-YA-WE HAHAHAAa!!!!", and he and Yoga began to spar. Cuke dodged a few of Yoga's blows, then began to hit Yoga's staff pretty skillfully. Yoga punched Cuke a few times in the face, until Cuke knocked Yoga's staff away from him.

"Most impressive, that was." Said Yoga.

_"'Cause I heard_

_all the people_

_sayin'_

_Get down on it,_

_come on and_

_Get down on it, if_

_you really want it_

_Get down on it,_

_you gotta feel it_

_Get down on it,_

_get down on it_

_get down on it,_

_come on and_

_get down on it,_

_baby, baby..."_

"What is it, bud?"

"(*beep-eee-meep beep.*)" said R2.

"He's sleeping on my hair again, isn't he?" Said Cuke.

R2 nodded. Yoga was definitely there, snoring loudly in Cuke's fluffy, gold locks.


	8. With Friends Like These

"man.." Said Bob, leaving the Cloud City theatre with the gang. "That movie was just...wow!"

"I didn't think the BUTLER was

gonna be the guy that did it!" Said

Leia.

"You guys wanna get some grub?" Asked Lando, eyeing a place called 'Café Hitchcock'.

"Sure!" Said Bob. "I'm kinda hungry."

Everybody walked inside. The cafe was very quaint, yet elegant, with marbled floors and a large waterfall in the center. Orchestral music played from somewhere, and many wealthy Bespin socialites sat at the tables.

"Lando Calrissian, party of five." Said Lando to the waiter. He gave a wink.

"Right zis way, gentlemen and lady..." Said the waiter. He looked at Lando and gave a smile.

The waiter escorted the gang to their table, which was across the entire restauraunt, near the back. He opened the door, and what Bob, Chewie, Leia and Arch saw, was

absolutely shocking...

(Cue 'Psycho'-esque violin.)

DARTH VERDURA, was right in front of them, surrounded by two Stormtroopers.

"MOTHER OF--" Bob Solo fired a shot at Verdura, but he raised a

non-existent hand and hit Archie-p0.

"OH MY!" The gold, asparagus-shaped droid said as he fell to bits. Chewlotsa picked up Arch and placed him into a nearby satchel that would've made the droid blush if he were human.

"A BABY SLING?!!" Exclaimed Arch. "HOW HUMILIATING!!"

Chewbacca turned the bag with Archie-p0's parts around, so his face was in Chewie's fur. Then the gang ran from the Stormtroopers.

"On second thought.." Said Arch, rather muffled. "Turn me around, your fur is very sweaty!!"

Chewie did so. The gang hid in a small broom closet, and Leia locked the door.

"Ok, WHAT, WAS THAT?!!" Exclaimed Leia to Lando. "YOU LED THEM RIGHT TO US, YOU IMBECILE!! WHY'D YA DO THAT?!"

"Hmph!" Said Lando. "I'll never tell!"

Everyone looked at Chewie, who pushed himself in front of Lando, growling and ready to kill. He picked up Lando by the throat and pinned him to the wall.

"Okay!...akk! Okay!" Said Lando. "I'll talk! I'll talk! I met Verdura; he said that Jabba wanted Bob for some debt he didn't pay or whatever--gak--he offered me a lot of credits, I couldn't refuse!! Even for my buddy! I'm sorry! I'll even help you escape!"

Chewie dropped Lando. Leia and Bob looked at each other, and so did Arch.

"Are you sure we can trust you?" Asked Leia.

"Of course!" Said Lando. "I was stupid when I accepted Verdura's offer, but I swear I'm very trustworthy!"

Bob, Chewie, Leia, Arch and Lando all exited the broom closet. Lando looked around.

"It's all clear, you guys!" He yelled.

It was not "all clear".

Stormtroopers emerged from all corners, each holding a gun. The

Stormtroopers cocked their guns.

Everyone raised their non-existent hands. There was no way the gang

was getting out now.

"Dangit." Said Bob.


	9. Cuke’s Rescue!

Meanwhile, back on Dagobah, Cuke and Yoga were still training. Cuke was doing a headstand with Yoga on his non-existent feet, and he was lifting enormous rocks with the Lite Vinaigrette.

"Yes..." Sighed Yoga. "The power, feel..."

Cuke continued to hold the rocks up, until something entered his mind. The rocks fell, so did Yoga and Cuke.

"That for, what was?!" Exclaimed

Yoga.

"I felt a disturbance in the Lite Vinaigrette, Master!" Exclaimed

Cuke. "My friends...they're in trouble! I saw a strange city, high

up in the clouds, I have to save them!"

"Cuke!!" Exclaimed Yoga. "Now, don't go! Finish your training, you must!"

"But my friends are in danger!" Replied Cuke. "Come on, R2!"

R2-Pea2 and Cuke ran throughout the forests of Dagobah, pushing trees and other foliage until they arrived at the spot where Cuke had landed, four weeks ago. Cuke's facial expressions sank after realizing what happened to his X-wing.

"Oh, yeah..." He sighed. "...it's at the bottom of the lake."

Yoga emerged from the foliage, panting.

"Wait..." He huffed. "This, watch."

Yoga stood in front of the starship, and the Lite Vinaigrette, and all the water and plants were removed from the nooks and crannies of the X-wing, rendering it completely dry.

"...thank you." Said an awestruck Cuke. He walked towards the X-wing.

"WAIT!!" Called Yoga.

Cuke turned around. Yoga's ears drooped, he looked kinda sad at Cuke's departure.

"Promise me, that back you will be." Said Yoga. "Finish your training, you must."

"Don't worry. I'll be back." Said Cuke.

Cuke hauled R2 into his X-wing. He jumped inside, and turned the ignition.

"KINDA LIKE YOU, I!!!" Yoga called.


	10. That’s My Boy

After flying from planet after planet, Cuke had arrived on Bespin. Cuke jumped out of his X-Wing and walked into the carbonite freezing room of the Bespin Imperial Base. He looked around, his non-existent hand on his lightsaber if Verdura came anywhere near him. He looked around, it seemed as though no one was there. But Cuke could sense something was definitely wrong. Suddenly, the lights slowly flickered on. Cuke could clearly see an ominous shadow emerging from the right.

(*Inhale...exhale, inhale...exhale...*)

Cuke's heart pounded. Only one cyborg man's breathing function could sound like that. There, right in front of him, was--

"Verdura..." He said.

"Cuke Skywalker..." Said Verdura. "Long have I awaited this moment."

"You're looking well..." Said Cuke. "Despite the fact you were blown up!"

"Yes..." Said Verdura. "I've survived far more than explosions, you see."

"Yeah, well when I'm through with you, it's gonna be a lot worse than that other thing you said you

survived!!" Exclaimed a confident Cuke. He yanked out his lightsaber.

"...LETS RHUMBA!!"

Verdura pulled out his lightsaber, and the two began to fight. Yoga was right: the actual battle was nothing like the one with the staffs! Yet he still fought on. Verdura gave a jab to his left. Cuke dodged it. He swished his lightsaber at Verdura's right. Verdura kicked Cuke to the ground and held his throat. He then started to push Cuke to the never-ending abyss at the end of the carbonite freezer. He swiped his lightsaber, delivering a sharp

pain to Cuke's hand.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Cuke yelled out in pain. "Wait, I don't have hands."

Verdura swashed his lightsaber at Cuke, prompting him to jump. Cuke did, but he was hanging onto a pole for dear life. Cuke continued to hang from the pole. He and Verdura stared at each other.

"Obi-Wan never told you about your father..." Said Verdura.

"HE TOLD ME ENOUGH!!" Yelled Cuke. "He told me you killed my father!!"

"Don't tell me you were so

blind and oblivious to what is happening..." Said Verdura. "That you haven't found all the pieces of the puzzle--so to speak..."

Verdura chuckled and advanced towards Cuke.

"Because Cuke..." Said Verdura.

...

...

...

...

...

"I, am your father."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Cuke.

"Oh, yes." Said Verdura. "Now if I may, let us discuss our plans to rule together..."

"What?!!" Said

Cuke. "I WOULD

NEVER!!"

"I see the crys-

tal rain-drops fall,

And the beauty of

it all

Is when the sun

comes shining

through...

To make those

rainbows in my

mind,

When I think of

you sometime,

And I want to

spend some time

with you..."

Sang Verdura as he bought out his lightsaber and swung it at Cuke.

"Just the two of

us,

We can make it if

we try,

Just the two of us,

You and I...

Just the two of us,

Building castles in

the sky,

Just the two of us,

You and I..."

"Uh, yeah..." Said Cuke, climbing back onto the platform.

"I saw, I came,

And I conquered,

The same,

If you are my

Pops, man, you

don't know my

game,

It ain't Scrabble

nor Candy Land,

Dude--defeating

you is my master

plan!

Quit talkin' bout

us ruling together,

it bores me!

You failed--I'm a

Jedi not a Sith like

him before me!" Cuke rapped, using

the Lite Vinaigrette to push Verdura into the side of a wall.

Verdura emerged from the hole in the wall Cuke created by pushing him. He and Cuke jumped on the poles on the ceiling and did sort

of a dance-fight-type routine, the

lights from the carbonite freezer illuminating their moves.

"We look for

love no time for

tears

Wasted water's all

that is

And it don't make

no flowers grow

Good things might

come to those

who wait,

Not for those who

wait too late,

We gotta go for all

we know..."

Cuke was not falling for his persuasion not one bit. He continued to swish his lightsaber at Verdura's.

"Your helmet-

covered eyes

don't deceive me!

To rule the world

you gotta be you,

me I gotta be me,

Not some

murderous Sith,

they're changin'

your eyes,

The Dark Side is a

lie,

You'd rather be a

Jedi!

Listen to my

prose, oh,

Take these and

those, so

You could be the

very best that you

chose!

I'm like a Happy

Meal,

You're more of a

third wheel,

When it comes to

the Sith,

They are no deal!!

("Just the two

of us We can make it if

we try

Just the two of us

(Just the two of

us)

Just the two of us

Building castles in

the sky

Just the two of us

You and I...")"

Father and son continued to rap, sing and fight.

"I hear the

crystal raindrops

fall

On the window

down the hall,

And it becomes

the morning

dew...

And darling when

the morning

comes,

And I see the

morning sun,

I want to be the

one with you..."

"Fall to the Sith?

Me?

Oh, puh-lease,

Gon' take more

than that to bring

me to my knees,

You could attack

me from the back-

y,

Or try reasoning

that ya lack, see?

What kinda

cyborg are ya

anyway,

A can open-er?!

Let me be of help

and educate ya,

sir,

The Lord himself

said "I am who I

am,"

Shouldn't make ya

think of Dr. Seuss;

a green egg and

ham, man!

Like I said,

Make a new plan,

Stan,

I'm gonna read

you like a

magazine, fry you

in a pan!"

"Just the two of

us

We can make it if

we try

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Building them

castles in the sky

Just the two of us

You and I..."

"Join me, son." Said Verdura.

"Join me and rule the Galaxy with me as Father and Son. We could be more powerful than one could have ever imagined..."

Cuke did not take the non-existent hand of Verdura.

Instead, he jumped back on the pole, and let himself fall into the never-ending vortex leading to the bottom of the city. He fell and fell, until he was hanging at the very bottom from a pole, by a single non-existent hand. Below him, were three-thousand feet of air and clouds. His lightsaber fell from his belt, all the way down.

"Leia," he called. "Help...me..."

Cuke continued to hang from the bottom of Cloud City, awaiting his savior. Slowly, he started to lose his grip, hoping Leia, or someone at least would hear his cries.


	11. Epilogue

The Stormtroopers bought Bob Solo to the enormous carbonite-freezing machine. The rest of the gang tried to get past the Stormtroopers, but it was of no avail. Just as Bob was about to be frozen, Leia strained and strained, until...

"I love you!" Said Leia.

"I know." Said Bob.

With his last breath, Bob was frozen in the carbonite. Leia and the gang watched in horror and sadness as their old friend was carried onto Boba Fett's ship, and sent away to Tatooine.

"Wonderful." Said Verdura. "That Hutt's gonna be stoked when he

sees this."

"Indeed, my Lord." Said an Imperial officer.

While Verdura and the officer chatted, Leia, Lando and Chewie slowly crept to the Falcon. Leia started the ignition and the Falcon zoomed into space before Verdura and his men could even look.

Meanwhile, Cuke Skywalker still

hung from the bottom of Cloud

City. While he was there, he pondered many strange things, such as the difference between living and life, or sleeping or dreaming.

"I guess the...VinaIgrETte will know..." Said Cuke, delirious.

Just then, Cuke saw something coming at him.

"I'm seeing things..." He thought.

"Yeah...things..."

What was coming closer to him was not a figment of his imagination. It was the Millenium Falcon!! Chewie growled and beeped the horn. The hatch opened, and Cuke was greeted by Leia.

"I GOT YOUR MESSAGE!!" Yelled Leia. "JUST LET GO AND YOU'LL BE SAFE!!!"

Cuke removed his metaphorical fingers from the ledge he was holding onto, and let himself fall into

the Falcon's hatch. Lando and Chewie grabbed Cuke and placed him on a couch. Leia grabbed the

Falcon's first-aid kit and started to treat Cuke's injuries while Chewie continued to repair Archie-p0.

"You just sit back and relax, little buddy." Said Lando. "We'll get you back in no time."

Cuke sat down on one of the Falcon's chairs. In front of him, there was a TV. He picked up a

remote lying on the space checkers table and turned it on.

"I love this show..."

Said Cuke.

'AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR...THE SOOOOOOUUULLLLLL...TRAAAAIIIINNNNN..."

Cuke had been dropped off on Dagobah with his X-wing in order to finish his training. Yoga handed him

something long, wrapped in fabric. Cuke opened it.

"A lightsaber?" He said, activating it, and watching the green flame.

"Your father's lightsaber, that is." Said Yoga.

Cuke stared at the lightsaber, and through the Lite Vinaigrette saw a vision of the past. It was his father, fighting for the Galaxy in the Clone Wars. He closed the lightsaber, and smiled, proudly. Cuke knew his destiny now.

With Bob Solo captured, the Rebellion was in the non-existent hands of Leia, Chewie, Cuke, R2 and Arch now. They would have to think of something fast, or watch everything and everyone die.

End...for now.


End file.
